I am so sorry you are in this place at this point. I stepped away from the church and organized religion back in my early twenties and pretty much carved out my own rules to live by. My belief in God has never wavered. I try to follow The Golden Rule, The Ten Commandments. I also believe in karma. What you put out here, good and bad, is what you get back. Positive and negative energy. It’s a struggle. Especially these days. While my belief system is unshakable, mankind has been a big disappointment for me. I thought the goal for most people was to always strive to do better and be better. It’s not, and realizing that really shook me.